


Messages To Gabe

by AU_Queen



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Blood, Death, Did I Mention Angst?, M/M, Prayer, attempted suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-03
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-09-06 05:45:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8737093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AU_Queen/pseuds/AU_Queen
Summary: Even after his death, Sam likes to keep Gabriel up to date.





	1. Chapter 1

   “Gabe.” Sam sighs, he doesn’t completely know what he’s doing. He never does anymore. Currently, he’s sitting in a hard wooden pew in a dusty old church. Praying to an archangel that can’t even hear him. Because he’s dead and Sam knows it’s his fault. Yet he still prays just as he’d been since that night. The night Gabriel died trying to defeat Lucifer for him. “I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry you died. I’m sorry it was because of me. I’m sorry I let Lucifer out. I’m sorry we didn’t meet under different circumstances.” he let his mind wander through his life. Thinking on all the things that went wrong, but thinking mostly of Gabriel. He was probably going to say something more, maybe not. Either way he decided against it. Instead he just whispered ‘Amen’.

  
\----  
   “Hey, Gabe. Dean’s dead again. Cas has disappeared.” Sam sighs and runs a hand down his face, “I guess you were right. I really do need to give him up. But I can’t let Dean go. Not yet. I’m going to see if I can bring him back. Maybe find Cas and get his help.” he pauses and takes a breath. “... I’ll talk to you later.”

  
\----

  
   “I found Cas. He says Dean is in Heaven now. Said he’s not coming back. I guess the world doesn’t need him anymore. Apparently it still needs me.”” Sam pauses, staring at the stained motel roof above him. “Cas says he’s happy. He has mom and dad with him. And Cas. That’s why it took so long to find him. He’s been with Dean in his heaven. I’m happy for them.” Sam chuckles, tears at the corners of his eyes, “They finally got their heads outta their asses. Too bad it took Dean dying to make it happen.” Sam closes his eyes and a tear breaks free, burning a line down his cheek. “I really miss you, Gabe. I wish you were here.”

  
\----

  
   Sam had fucked up. Somehow he had botched the research for his latest hunt. Now he was sitting in a corner, soaked by a large pool of his own blood. The monster had slashed deep into his midsection before leaving him to die in agony. Somehow it felt right. To bleed out, killed by the very thing he himself was meant to kill. It didn’t change the fact that everything hurt. His heart felt like it was doing double time, his lungs were on fire, and he was sure half his ribs were broken. Yet he still had the strength to cry out one last time. With blood dribbling from between his lips, he prayed to Gabriel.  
   “Hey Gabe. I guess this is it.” Sam almost wanted to laugh, probably would have if he hadn’t known it’d hurt. It was just such an absurd moment to him. Here he was, dying. Praying to an angel he knew couldn’t hear him. “Today is the day I die.”  
Thoughts and words flood his mind. Things he wished he had said, some he wished he didn’t. He takes a gasping breath. Coughs it out, causing the pain to vibrate freshly throughout his body.  
   “There’s something I’ve always wanted to tell you, and I guess now is as a good a time as any. Given that it’s the last time I have.” Sam closes his eyes for a moment, the thought of death washing numbly over him. “You’ve had me from the second I saw you. I don’t know why. Maybe it was your smile or something in your eyes. But I fell that day and I’ve been falling ever since. Even after all the shit you put us through. I just couldn’t stop it no matter how hard I tried. Now matter how many girls I tried to replace you with.” he was rambling now, he knew that. Still couldn’t really bring himself to care, though. Instead he just let the words tumble from his lips.  
   “I wish it could have been different. Maybe if you had never met me, you’d still be alive right now. If I could change it I would, But I can’t. All I can do is sit here, bleeding out, telling you how sorry I am. How sorry I am that I let Lucifer. That I got you killed. That I never told you how I felt. That we never even got a chance to be friends.” Sam stops his words. He doesn’t know how long he’d been speaking, but he knows his time is quickly coming to an end. A tear breaks free and slides hotly down his cheek, making way for many more to follow. He takes a last wheezing breath. Sighs it out in the form of a quiet, ‘I love you’ as everything faded away.


	2. Chapter 2

    A bright golden light comes through, chasing away the darkness. Sam can feel the familiar touch of grace course through his body. He drags in a breath without pain. It angers him to the breaking point. Why? After all this time. All the guilt and pain he had from losing everyone, it was about to be gone. Just moments from the sweet release his death would provide. And Chuck heals him. Because who else would?

    Setting his jaw, Sam decides he won’t stand for it. Not this time. He was done with coming back. This time he would reject it. Grabbing his knife from where it had been dropped, he lifted it to his chest. Pressed it against his heart. With one swift move he would fall back into the now welcoming pool of blood. And hopefully never come back.

    “You do know if you do that, I’m just gonna bring you back again. Don’t you?” a voice cuts through his thoughts like a bullet. He drops the knife in shock. It sounds so familiar, but Sam knows it isn’t. It can’t be.

    Shaking, he turns his body around. Even with a thousand warnings, he could never be prepared for the sight of those gleaming golden eyes watching him.


End file.
